Day 5

5th Good Reason to be Sober

I have made (and lost) some amazing connections in my first sober year.

Heart Connections

When I first got sober I felt really alone, like no one would understand what I was going through. And that if they did they would think I was a total loser fuck up loser, and also that I was fat.

You know how, when you drink with people, and then you feel like you are just the best of friends because you get drunk together? That you don’t really remember what you talked about, but you’re pretty hungover so it must have been good, especially since no one is looking at you with that funny look you get when you did something or said too much while you were all bonding being wasted. I love you, man. I don’t know what I love about you, but man. I do.

It’s awkward to be new friends when you don’t drink. You actually have to take the time to get to know people rather than be instant best friends and then stay that way as long as you drink together. There are uncomfortable silences, and times when you bring over cookies with nuts and your new friend is deathly allergic. Or maybe you are brand new friends and someone’s father dies and you don’t know what to say so you just blunder through and speak from the heart and hope what you say is OK.

And then months pass and you end up with a few people in your life that actually really deep down care about you. Who care enough about you to learn about you, and continue to learn about you. You take the time and you connect. And you care back. And there’s effort, and laughter, and tears. Actual friends.

I have made many connections over the course of my sobriety- some that will last forever, and some that only last a few emails. I have given up relationships that I needed to, and some have just naturally fallen off along the way. There is strength in connections, real connections. Heart connections.