My parenting style is sort of like this: “You can’t play Wii for a week!” Then two days later…..”Wellllllll, I guess it’s OK. Just don’t blah blah blah ever again!” That was kind of my drinking style too. “You can’t drink for a week!” Then after the hangover passed…..”Wellllllll, I guess some wine wouldn’t hurt. Just don’t have blah blah blah glasses again!”
I guess we all know how well that worked since I’m writing a blog about sobriety.
My oldest is on day two of a week long “grounding” from the Wii. I wrote the date when he can play again on a post it and stuck it to one of the kitchen cabinets. No Wii until May 28th.
Now I have to stick to it. (Heh, no pun intended!)
I’ve never been good at finishing the lesson. I’m great at the pre-lesson excitement. I’m awesome at the first bit. Then I slowly slide back into the easy chair of the old way. Even if the new way is working markedly better. And then I sort of take that mental look around…..”Um, what has happened here?” and kind of cobble together some new way, mostly old way. Never finishing the lesson.
It’s sort of like learning math: there are these logical (mostly, math is not my best subject) steps to take and then you get the answer. Maybe math is a bad analogy since its’ answers are absolute (again, mostly) and life lessons have a little more leeway. But the finishing is the most important part- at least trying to complete the problem. And asking for help if you need it. You know, sometimes you just don’t get it and someone else does. And so you ask for help and suddenly the clouds part and you can move on to the next question, the next problem.
Being sober, for me, feels like I’m finishing my life. I don’t mean ending it, I mean finishing it. Taking the next step. Solving the problem. And waiting for the answers.