I got to thinking this morning about the things I want to accomplish next year. Days like this were made for promises. When I was drinking the last/first day of the month was the perfect day to swear to myself that today is the day that I quit drinking. A fresh start. A month unsoiled by hangovers and blackouts. I was saved!
Quitting drinking was always my New Year’s resolution. I cannot remember a year that I didn’t make an agreement with myself that this was my year: THE YEAR I GOT SOBER. And then I would get hammered on New Year’s Eve and blam. All bets were off. I was suspicious that because I started the year hungover I would have to spend the whole year hungover. That was why I couldn’t stop. I’d dealt my hand that one night. Forces at work beyond my control. I’d have to wait until next year. Booze logic y’all.
Two reasons I finally quit the day I did: a-) I was so hungover I could not get out of bed until almost 1:00 in the afternoon and b-) December 7th is the day my oldest son was due. This felt like an opportunity to find myself; a whole brand new fresh start. Tired old sick old used up me. Born.
Resolution is defined in so many cool ways that relate to sobriety. Complex to simple. Act of answering: solving. The act of determining. From dissonance to consonance. The settling of a pathological state. Expression of intent. The point in a literary work where the main dramatic complication is worked out. The ability to make recognizable the individual parts of an object. A measure of the sharpness of an image.
I think resolution might actually mean sober.
So now, along with the thousandty things sobriety has brought me already I can add fresh New Year’s resolutions. Here they are:
Run another marathon in October
Write thank you cards
Chip away at debt
Have a real, week long family vacation
Monthly house organizing project
And…my newest and best one: STAY SOBER.
I’m certain I would love to hear yours too. I can pretty much guarantee it. 🙂