It’s been over five years since I started Soberbia. It began as a way for me to tell the universe that I quit drinking. I thought it was a word I made up by combining sober and suburbia. Turns out it’s an actual word- in Spanish it means PRIDE. Soberbia became a way for me to pull apart what it was like for me to get sober and recover. I made connections across the world. I heard our worlds unite over and over- the power of hearing someone else say I hear you, the frustrations and triumphs as my days turned to months and to years.
I haven’t written as much for the past couple years. What felt urgent, needed like breathing, became a trusted friend. Being sober became more about being in my “real” life and instead of concentrating on my blog I did things like yoga teacher training and get certified as a professional coach. I felt like I was in a different part of my recovery, that it wasn’t so much about being sober as it was moving on from that. Recovery became like an anchor, a place I felt I had to return to be valid.
So I stopped writing and connected online only with long time pen pals. There was so much more happening than recovery for me, although it was still all about recovery, it wasn’t. It is so much more, more than I ever thought I could hold when I started Soberbia back in December of 2012. I couldn’t write because it didn’t feel right. I felt like I was saying what I was supposed to, not what I had to.
There is so much more. Making the decision to quit drinking made a world out of me. I have struggled to know how to do this: to be the writer I am with humility and regard for my beginning with a strong voice of pride because I have come so far, lifetimes away from the dismal December morning when I woke up and changed my life forever. Forever.
Recovery and sobriety have become a longtime cornerstone for me, and I must allow them to be what they are: a piece of me. It has taken five and a half years to recognize this woman that’s been with me all along. Now we sit together, hand in hand, we gaze upon each other with love and understanding. I have uncovered what was inside me all along- my soberbia, my pride.
I thought about closing my blog, ending it. I took the time to see where things led. Suddenly it became clear, as all the clear things do: Soberbia, Part 2. Writing about that pride, the carry on, the ongoing lifeness of it all. As I look around for long term sober people I notice we aren’t very well represented and I think this is because we stop feeling like sobriety is front and center, it’s more a supporting character in a cast of thousands of ideas and thoughts and ways to be. But it feels wrong in a way to let go of that flag, that deep identifier of personhood. That people won’t understand that for me, sobriety and recovery aren’t at the forefront any longer, they just ARE.
My flag is planted, I laid claim to my land years ago. I don’t need to wave it in anyone’s face to make it true- there it stands, waving in the wind. Sturdy and strong. I am ready for my next adventure. I know where my home is. I know how to get there, and I know how to leave. I know when to stay. There’s much more here, more to share, more to know. More community to create. More moments of I hear you and I understand. And in all of them, pride. Welcome to Soberbia Part 2.