— SOBERBIA —
Getting sober was a huge decision that changed my life forever. I started writing Soberbia back in 2012 as a way to stay accountable. It didn’t work to answer to myself, but I could be accountable to anyone who might read my blog. I didn’t want to lose the trust I had been given when someone read the words “I’m sober” and 100% believed me.
I’ve been sober for over 6 years now. Soberbia has those years permanently recorded, it is a way for you to connect with another person in recovery, to see what I thought about over the course of my recovery. It is a record of my successes and suffering, an honest, intimate and heartfelt recounting of what getting and being sober is like for me.
I Don’t Know
"I don't know" has been such a dirty word in my life until recently. I grew up in a family where intelligence was valuable. I was the first child but the second smartest out of two siblings. Saying "I don't know" was a death knell or a quick ride to ridicule. So I...
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2 Ways to Practice Being Yourself When You Feel Like Someone Else
One: Breathe. Breathing is this place where we tend to cheat ourselves: it's almost like if you had access to your whole house, but you only lived in a third of it. Granted, you aren't going to use every room in your house all the time, and there are rooms that get...
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Radical New Approach
I imagine there's something in all of us that believes that we're unconventional, that although I may be like others in many ways, there are many ways that I am exactly just like me. Our day to day patterns usually benefit from a radical new approach, and we tend to...
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On My Desk…
I look at my desk and I am in love. It's full of so many things that I am drawn to, that excite me. Books, pens, nature- shells and wings and rocks and sticks. I have my own style that I get more and more used to. I remember in elementary school how my individuality...
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Things About Feelings and Emotions
In the great unknowns of the universe feelings and emotions are right up at the top of the mystery list. What are they? How do you know? Is there an objective way to define them- separately and together? Feelings and emotions are things that have seemed out of my...
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It’s Really Not Okay
When I quit drinking I immediately noticed that I felt more. It felt so hard, like I was a rope being jerked through too quickly, burning me. But I wanted it, I wanted that feeling of how difficult it was because it told me how much it mattered that I quit drowning...
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Runner Girl Part Three
Running has always been something I was good at. Not good as in I'm fast and winning, good as in I will do it regularly and I like it. Running makes me feel powerful, capable. Unique. The way I love it is a different way than the way I love yoga. Yoga is a challenge,...
read moreRunner Girl Part Two
City of Oaks MarathonCity of Oaks Marathon In these pictures I'm finishing the Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon in November 2009. It was cold, rainy, and windy that day. I ran with a man whose wife was pregnant and who was also named Amy for about 10 miles, we talked and...
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Runner Girl Part One
In this picture it's 2009, I'm in Charlottesville VA, I just finished running a half marathon. Look how proud I am! It's so lovely, that grin on my face. I was also very hungover, and could barely walk after, but I did it, and I loved it. I started running as a way to...
read moreSeasons of a Sober Life
When I woke up I was thinking about seasons, and how the trees in autumn sometimes just show up so vibrantly and badass that everyone is like WHOA! The news even has it as a story- "best fall leaves in 5 years!" "This season is shaping up to be one of the best we've...
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This is what long term recovery looks like, or 10 reasons you’re sober after all this time..
10. You feel well almost all the time. You forget what being hungover feels like. You get sick and you feel like legitimate shit. Then you remember that this was something you felt like more than once a week. 9. Even when things are the worst suckity suck you still...
read moreReady to Fail
I am a failure. I know it's true. I have tried and failed at so many things. I didn't finish college or roller skate very well. I still don't know how to knit or play guitar. I fail on a daily basis- my phone sidetracks me, I eat things I say I don't want to, I lay in...
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I Don’t Know
"I don't know" has been such a dirty word in my life until recently. I grew up in a family where intelligence was valuable. I was the first child but the second smartest out of two siblings. Saying "I don't know" was a death knell or a quick ride to ridicule. So I...
2 Ways to Practice Being Yourself When You Feel Like Someone Else
One: Breathe. Breathing is this place where we tend to cheat ourselves: it's almost like if you had access to your whole house, but you only lived in a third of it. Granted, you aren't going to use every room in your house all the time, and there are rooms that get...
Radical New Approach
I imagine there's something in all of us that believes that we're unconventional, that although I may be like others in many ways, there are many ways that I am exactly just like me. Our day to day patterns usually benefit from a radical new approach, and we tend to...
On My Desk…
I look at my desk and I am in love. It's full of so many things that I am drawn to, that excite me. Books, pens, nature- shells and wings and rocks and sticks. I have my own style that I get more and more used to. I remember in elementary school how my individuality...