— SOBERBIA —

 Getting sober was a huge decision that changed my life forever. I started writing Soberbia back in 2012 as a way to stay accountable. It didn’t work to answer to myself, but I could be accountable to anyone who might read my blog. I didn’t want to lose the trust I had been given when someone read the words “I’m sober” and 100% believed me.

I’ve been sober for almost 5 years now. Soberbia has those years permanently recorded, it is a way for you to connect with another person in recovery, to see what I thought about over the course of my recovery. It is a record of my successes and suffering, an honest, intimate and heartfelt recounting of what getting and being sober is like for me.

 

 

Ready to Fail

I am a failure. I know it's true. I have tried and failed at so many things. I didn't finish college or roller skate very well. I still don't know how to knit or play guitar. I fail on a daily basis- my phone sidetracks me, I eat things I say I don't want to, I lay in...

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Recognizing

  Things that happened on my run this morning: Two eyes appeared in the light from my headlamp. I stopped. There was a deer, a buck. I paused to watch him and promptly got a sharp bite from some unknown creature under my right arm. It scared the crap out of me- I...

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Clarity and Expectation

“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds." -Laura Ingalls Wilder   I started a women's group a few months ago- it's called Women in Conversation. It's a group coaching session focused on communication. Our next group is...

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Showing Up

  When I first quit drinking in December 2012 I would get up at 5am. I would write for an hour, then I'd do yoga with the woman on PBS. I needed that time alone before anyone else got up to write, to move. Writing helped process the enormity of what I was doing...

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Soberbia Part 2

It's been over five years since I started Soberbia. It began as a way for me to tell the universe that I quit drinking. I thought it was a word I made up by combining sober and suburbia. Turns out it's an actual word- in Spanish it means PRIDE. Soberbia became a way...

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Survivor Part One

I spent most of my life feeling like there was no one in charge, me with my strong will and out of control drinking, in a continuous state of being pulled apart. I'm hungover, I'm never drinking again. I'm not sure about anything, ever. As I understand the things I've...

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Belonging

  My entire life I put myself in situations over and over again that don’t make sense. I wear clothes I don’t  like, I go places that don’t interest me, I care about things I don’t even care about. Because my sense of belonging comes from outside of myself I...

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#metoo

  My neighbor’s penis is resting on the patio chair. His soft grey athletic shorts don't hide what there is no underwear to contain. He has a receding hairline and his eyes ask a question I don't understand. He is determined to be desired, for someone to look...

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Complete Truth

The complete truth has me out running again regularly. I get up, step into my short shorts, and head out the door.   My legs are short, muscular and stocky. I've wondered who I was from the waist down my whole life. I look down at my legs and think about how my...

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Why I Say Forever

I never drank like other people, ever. Right from the beginning I drank to get drunk. I figured out that me + booze = numb and that was exactly what I was going for. Most people were either passed out or throwing up and I was just hitting my stride. I would have no...

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Finding Community

When I first decided to quit drinking I didn't head out to a meeting, I set my alarm for five o'clock in the morning and got up to write. I also had a pen pal I wrote to every day, but it took me several months before I talked to another sober person face to face. I...

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Moving Along, Here You Are Too!!!

  Hi! WELCOME!!! Here we are, at my new place. 🙂  I'm still figuring out where to put things. Soberbia started over four years ago. Where do things belong today? How is that different from where things were? How is it also kind of the same? Does Soberbia change?...

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Recognizing

  Things that happened on my run this morning: Two eyes appeared in the light from my headlamp. I stopped. There was a deer, a buck. I paused to watch him and promptly got a sharp bite from some unknown creature under my right arm. It scared the crap out of me- I...

Clarity and Expectation

“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds." -Laura Ingalls Wilder   I started a women's group a few months ago- it's called Women in Conversation. It's a group coaching session focused on communication. Our next group is...

Showing Up

  When I first quit drinking in December 2012 I would get up at 5am. I would write for an hour, then I'd do yoga with the woman on PBS. I needed that time alone before anyone else got up to write, to move. Writing helped process the enormity of what I was doing...