— SOBERBIA —

 Getting sober was a huge decision that changed my life forever. I started writing Soberbia back in 2012 as a way to stay accountable. It didn’t work to answer to myself, but I could be accountable to anyone who might read my blog. I didn’t want to lose the trust I had been given when someone read the words “I’m sober” and 100% believed me.

I’ve been sober for almost 5 years now. Soberbia has those years permanently recorded, it is a way for you to connect with another person in recovery, to see what I thought about over the course of my recovery. It is a record of my successes and suffering, an honest, intimate and heartfelt recounting of what getting and being sober is like for me.

 

 

Love's Not Love

The other day my oldest son, age 12, brought home a lovely bouquet of dandelions and sweet little purple flowers for me. He stuffed all these flowers into his LaCroix lemon seltzer can during outside time at school, carried them around with him half the day and all...

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Lovely Profile

Hi Y'all! I wanted to share this profile from drugrehab.org I think this is the nicest profile I've had done yet. I am always so happy to share my story- who I am and where I am in my recovery. It seems like we all have a recovery story of some kind, and I'm so...

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These Revelations

I sent a complaint letter. I've never done this before, me, people pleaser extraordinaire, forget the thought of me speaking up when mistreated or handled in a clumsy way, but I did it. I have revelations all the time- Oh! I can do this! Oh! This seems so normal! -...

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What I'm Reading: MATING IN CAPTIVITY

                                                Hey y'all! Something I've been kicking around for a while is a virtual read along. I love to read...

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Backbone

Do you ever feel like you are an incredibly capable superhuman amazing person and then things happen to make you remember you are certainly all of those things but mostly you are the human part? ME TOO. I've been stretching thin, starting big new things,...

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You Love Her

My youngest has the sweetest crush on a girl in his class. She is his seat mate, they talk all the time: "Even more than me and you mom!" One day after school we waited for her mom to show up so we could ask her to come over to our house. I introduced myself and...

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Word of the Year 2017

The photo above is us, New Year's Eve, 2009. It was the first or second year my oldest stayed up until midnight, he toasted our flutes of champagne with his own of sparkling apple cider and felt so grown up while his little brother slept through it all. I had worked...

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Maps at Halfway

I have twelve stitches running up the middle of my back. They've been knitting themselves together for eight days now, pulling together pieces of skin on my back that have never been neighbors all these 45 years until now. I have a mole on my upper lip that once...

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FOUR YEARS

This morning I studied spelling words with my youngest son. On this morning four years ago I woke up so hungover I could not get out of bed. If you have read my story you know that four years ago today I was supposed to get up, make french toast, and study spelling...

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How to Take Care of Yourself Part One

so many options... I'm reading this amazing book called Rise Sister Rise and listening to Tara Brach and blowing my own mind almost daily with new stuff to think about, and new stuff to think about myself which translates into new stuff to think...

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A-holic

Do you ever feel like you're getting your shit together for like the nine hundredth time this year? That's me. I mean, do people who aren't a-holics just understand this all their lives? I'm getting used to the ebb and flow of my life, although I'm still surprised by...

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Shell

I've recently discovered the shell around me. It's a deflector: it protects me from anger, disappointment, and criticism. It also shields me from kindness, compliments, tenderness, and good intentions. It prevents me from receiving help gracefully, and from loving...

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Survivor Part One

I spent most of my life feeling like there was no one in charge, me with my strong will and out of control drinking, in a continuous state of being pulled apart. I'm hungover, I'm never drinking again. I'm not sure about anything, ever. As I understand the things I've...

#metoo

  My neighbor’s penis is resting on the patio chair. His soft grey athletic shorts don't hide what there is no underwear to contain. He has a receding hairline and his eyes ask a question I don't understand. He is determined to be desired, for someone to look...