— SOBERBIA —
Getting sober was a huge decision that changed my life forever. I started writing Soberbia back in 2012 as a way to stay accountable. It didn’t work to answer to myself, but I could be accountable to anyone who might read my blog. I didn’t want to lose the trust I had been given when someone read the words “I’m sober” and 100% believed me.
I’ve been sober for over 6 years now. Soberbia has those years permanently recorded, it is a way for you to connect with another person in recovery, to see what I thought about over the course of my recovery. It is a record of my successes and suffering, an honest, intimate and heartfelt recounting of what getting and being sober is like for me.
Things that happened on my run this morning: Two eyes appeared in the light from my headlamp. I stopped. There was a deer, a buck. I paused to watch him and promptly got a sharp bite from some unknown creature under my right arm. It scared the crap out of me- I...read more
“Persons appear to us according to the light we throw upon them from our own minds." -Laura Ingalls Wilder I started a women's group a few months ago- it's called Women in Conversation. It's a group coaching session focused on communication. Our next group is...read more
When I first quit drinking in December 2012 I would get up at 5am. I would write for an hour, then I'd do yoga with the woman on PBS. I needed that time alone before anyone else got up to write, to move. Writing helped process the enormity of what I was doing...read more
It's been over five years since I started Soberbia. It began as a way for me to tell the universe that I quit drinking. I thought it was a word I made up by combining sober and suburbia. Turns out it's an actual word- in Spanish it means PRIDE. Soberbia became a way...read more
I spent most of my life feeling like there was no one in charge, me with my strong will and out of control drinking, in a continuous state of being pulled apart. I'm hungover, I'm never drinking again. I'm not sure about anything, ever. As I understand the things I've...read more
My entire life I put myself in situations over and over again that don’t make sense. I wear clothes I don’t like, I go places that don’t interest me, I care about things I don’t even care about. Because my sense of belonging comes from outside of myself I...read more
My neighbor’s penis is resting on the patio chair. His soft grey athletic shorts don't hide what there is no underwear to contain. He has a receding hairline and his eyes ask a question I don't understand. He is determined to be desired, for someone to look...read more
The complete truth has me out running again regularly. I get up, step into my short shorts, and head out the door. My legs are short, muscular and stocky. I've wondered who I was from the waist down my whole life. I look down at my legs and think about how my...read more
I never drank like other people, ever. Right from the beginning I drank to get drunk. I figured out that me + booze = numb and that was exactly what I was going for. Most people were either passed out or throwing up and I was just hitting my stride. I would have no...read more
When I first decided to quit drinking I didn't head out to a meeting, I set my alarm for five o'clock in the morning and got up to write. I also had a pen pal I wrote to every day, but it took me several months before I talked to another sober person face to face. I...read more
Hi! WELCOME!!! Here we are, at my new place. 🙂 I'm still figuring out where to put things. Soberbia started over four years ago. Where do things belong today? How is that different from where things were? How is it also kind of the same? Does Soberbia change?...read more
The other day my oldest son, age 12, brought home a lovely bouquet of dandelions and sweet little purple flowers for me. He stuffed all these flowers into his LaCroix lemon seltzer can during outside time at school, carried them around with him half the day and all...read more
In the great unknowns of the universe feelings and emotions are right up at the top of the mystery list. What are they? How do you know? Is there an objective way to define them- separately and together? Feelings and emotions are things that have seemed out of my...
When I quit drinking I immediately noticed that I felt more. It felt so hard, like I was a rope being jerked through too quickly, burning me. But I wanted it, I wanted that feeling of how difficult it was because it told me how much it mattered that I quit drowning...
Running has always been something I was good at. Not good as in I'm fast and winning, good as in I will do it regularly and I like it. Running makes me feel powerful, capable. Unique. The way I love it is a different way than the way I love yoga. Yoga is a challenge,...
City of Oaks MarathonCity of Oaks Marathon In these pictures I'm finishing the Raleigh City of Oaks Marathon in November 2009. It was cold, rainy, and windy that day. I ran with a man whose wife was pregnant and who was also named Amy for about 10 miles, we talked and...