10. You feel well almost all the time. You forget what being hungover feels like. You get sick and you feel like legitimate shit. Then you remember that this was something you felt like more than once a week.
9. Even when things are the worst suckity suck you still are better off than you were when you got black out drunk all the time and couldn’t remember what happened the night before for 20 years. And you know it’s true.
8. You can buy the pricey tins of loose leaf tea or cases of fizzy water because even $17 for 15 Pellegrinos at Costco is a bargain compared to the $50 you spent a night on booze and cigarettes.
7. When you argue with your husband you can actually have a point, and not just some random out of nowhere agenda that you hopped on that might be from a few days or years ago but you can’t remember. It may be the same discussion over and over, but at least you know it’s the same.
6. You start to figure out what you actually want to do with your life. That may be way different at year 2 than year 6 but at least you aren’t just wishing you could quit drinking as your major life goal anymore.
5. You get these flashes of brilliance and pride that come from the simplest tasks…taking the kids to the pediatrician, going to the grocery store at 8pm, telling yourself no…or yes, and meaning it.
4. When you feel you feel, or maybe at 6 years in you discover you’ve not really felt much of anything, you just know what feelings mean as words, but you’re willing to keep trying because the other day you looked at your little kid and your heart swelled and you felt shocked- oh! that’s love.
3. When someone asks you to have sex you can say no.
2. You’ve been in therapy for half of your recovery and every time you think oh, this is IT! the big breakthrough, it turns out another breakthrough is going to show up when you least expect it. As in- you get so smart about yourself and then all of the sudden you don’t know anything at all but instead of feeling like someone dropped a boulder on you you just keep going.
1. You’re you. You’re the youest you you’ve ever been, even when you don’t know who the hell you are. You know that you’re sober, and taking care of yourself, and staying in the recovery because you’ve agreed to that for the rest of your life: you, learning about yourself and looking yourself in the mirror, yes.